The Friend Who Laid Down His Life: How Jesus Died to Make Us His Friends

The Friend We All Long For

Deep down, every person craves friendship that is safe, loyal, and enduring. We want to be known fully, and still loved deeply. This longing is not a weakness, it is part of the way God designed us. From Genesis to Revelation, God reveals Himself not only as King, Judge, or Creator, but also as Friend. His covenant with humanity was always meant to be relational at its core. When Jesus came, He fulfilled that desire by laying down His life and inviting us to be His friends.

To be clear: This friendship never replaces His holiness or His Lordship. He remains God and we remain His creatures; mere images of the true God; simply a breath from the one who is eternal. But it does mean that the Holy One of Israel stoops in love to call us not only servants but also companions.

The Eternal Covenant of Love Within God Himself

Before humanity ever existed, friendship and covenant love already existed perfectly within God. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have from eternity shared a union of agapē (ἀγάπη, self-giving love) and philia (φιλία, affectionate friendship). Jesus alludes to this when He prays in John 17:24: “You loved (ēgapēsas) Me before the foundation of the world.”

The Spirit is also present in this eternal communion. 1 Corinthians 2:10–12 explains: “The Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God… so that we may know the things freely given to us by God.” Paul says in Romans 5:5 that “the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit.” And in Romans 8:26–27, the Spirit intercedes for us in perfect unity with the Father’s will.

Theologians sometimes describe this eternal fellowship as a “covenant of redemption”: the Father sending, the Son redeeming, the Spirit applying salvation. Whatever language one prefers, the point is clear: the cross flows not from cold duty, but from the eternal friendship-love of the Triune God, now extended to us.

Abraham — God’s Beloved Friend

Abraham stands at the beginning of Israel’s story as the man chosen by God to bear His promises. What is striking is how Abraham is remembered: not simply as a patriarch, but as God’s friend. In Isaiah 41:8, God refers to him as “Abraham my friend” — Hebrew ’ohavi (אֹהֲבִי), meaning “the one I love.” In 2 Chronicles 20:7, the people recall that God gave the land to Abraham His “friend forever.” The Septuagint (Greek Old Testament) uses philos (φίλος), the same word Jesus later uses with His disciples.

This language is rare in the Old Testament which makes it all the more significant. James 2:23 ties Abraham’s faith and obedience directly to this title: “Abraham believed God… and he was called the friend of God (philos theou).” Abraham’s friendship was covenantal: he trusted God enough to leave his homeland, to believe promises that seemed impossible, and even to offer Isaac. Friendship here is faithful loyalty and mutual trust, a bond rooted in God’s love (ahav) and Abraham’s response of faith.

Moses — Face-to-Face Friendship

With Moses, the intimacy grows even deeper. In Exodus 33:11, we are told: “The LORD used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend.” The Hebrew word re‘a (רֵעַ) means “companion, friend, associate.” This word suggests familiarity and nearness.

The Greek translation again uses philos. Though Israel trembled at Sinai, Moses drew near and conversed with God like a trusted friend. His role as lawgiver was born not out of cold formality but living dialogue. Covenant at its root was relational: a holy God choosing to speak intimately with a human being.

David & Jonathan — Covenant Friendship

Few stories show the beauty of friendship like David and Jonathan. In 1 Samuel 18:1–4, Jonathan’s soul (nefesh, נֶפֶשׁ) was “knit” to David’s, and he loved (ahav) him as his own soul. Their bond was sealed with a covenant (berit, בְּרִית): a pledge of loyalty and self-sacrifice. Jonathan, heir to Saul’s throne, gave David his robe, armor, sword, and belt; symbolizing not only affection but surrender of his rights.

Later, David laments Jonathan’s death: “Your love to me was more wonderful than the love of women” (2 Samuel 1:26). This is not romance but covenant friendship; loyalty that transcends self-interest and embraces shared destiny. That bond foreshadows Christ, who surrendered His rights, His glory, and His life for the sake of His friends.

Proverbs — The True Friend Defined

The wisdom literature of Israel reflects deeply on friendship. Proverbs 17:17 declares: “A friend (re‘a) loves (ahav) at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 18:24 adds: “There is a friend (’ohav*) who sticks closer than a brother.”* The Hebrew sense of clinging (davak, דבק), used in marriage, echoes in this picture of loyalty.

These proverbs point to Jesus, the friend who loves at all times and clings even in betrayal, suffering, and death. They sharpen our vision of true friendship and prepare us for its perfect fulfillment.

Prophets — Broken Friendships and Longing for More

The prophets also capture the failure of human friendship. Micah 7:5 warns: “Do not trust in a friend (re‘a).” Jeremiah and Hosea portray Israel’s covenant as betrayal; friendship with God shattered by unfaithfulness.

But their warnings only heighten the longing for a faithful friend. Where human loyalty falters, God Himself steps in. Through the new covenant, His hesed (חסד, steadfast love) and eleos (ἔλεος, mercy) prove unbreakable.

Jesus — The Friend Who Lays Down His Life

In Jesus, the longing is fulfilled. In John 15:13–15, He says: “Greater love (agapē) has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends (philōn). You are My friends (philoi) if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves… but I have called you friends (philous).”

But He did not merely say it, He lived it. In Gethsemane, Jesus trembled with anguish, sweating blood (Luke 22:44), yet surrendered: “Not My will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). He embraced death not just for the faithful but also for those who would betray, mock, and deny Him. His love is not sentimental but sacrificial; willing to endure hatred so His enemies could become His friends.

At the cross, He embodied Proverbs’ vision of the friend who “loves at all times” and “sticks closer than a brother.” His sacrifice transforms enemies into companions and opens the way to righteousness through a restored relationship with the Father.

And we are not left powerless. The Spirit, poured into our hearts (Rom. 5:5), enables us to love with joy even through suffering. To be called Jesus’ friend is to share His life, His Spirit, and His joy. Friendship with Him means intimacy, loyalty, and sacrificial love, lived out by His power.

Paul — Enemies Turned Friends

Paul shows just how radical this is. In Romans 5:10–11, he writes: “While we were enemies (echthroi), we were reconciled (katallassō) to God through the death of His Son.”

But Paul was not merely speaking in theory. He had been Christ’s enemy in flesh and blood. In Acts 8:1–3, Saul ravaged the church, dragging believers from their homes. In Acts 9:1, he breathed “threats and murder” against disciples. He approved of Stephen’s execution. By every measure, he was an enemy of Jesus.

Yet on the Damascus road, the risen Christ confronted him not with destruction but with friendship: “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” (Acts 9:4). Instead of condemning, He forgave and commissioned. The persecutor became the apostle, the enemy became a friend.

This makes Paul’s words pulse with reality. He knew what it meant to be “the foremost of sinners” (1 Tim. 1:15) and to be embraced by grace. His story proves the gospel’s power: Jesus doesn’t just forgive sins, He transforms enemies into beloved friends.

What Does This Mean for Me and How Can I Live Differently?

If Jesus truly calls us His friends, then this is not only truth to affirm but a relationship to live. To be God’s friend means walking in His will and His will is clear: “Love the Lord your God… and love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:30–31).

Friendship reframes holiness. Just as you wouldn’t deliberately wound your spouse or betray a close friend, so sin becomes not rule-breaking but grief against the One who loves you. Obedience is covenant loyalty, not cold obligation.

This means living differently: choosing love when bitterness feels easier, mercy when judgment feels natural, forgiveness when revenge tempts you. The Spirit empowers us to endure hardship with joy and to love with the same sacrificial loyalty Jesus showed us.

To know God as Friend is to live in covenant closeness, a bond at least as deep as a marriage. Hurting your spouse’s heart wounds intimacy; so does sin with God. Friendship transforms obedience into love’s response.

The Covenant of Friendship and Love

The story of Scripture moves from Abraham the friend of God, to Moses face to face, to David and Jonathan’s covenant loyalty, to the wisdom of Proverbs, to the failures of human friendship in the prophets and finds its climax in Jesus, who calls us His friends and lays down His life for us.

The Hebrew berit (בְּרִית, covenant) and the Greek diathēkē (διαθήκη, testament) always pointed here: a bond sealed not by law alone but by love. In Christ, we are no longer strangers, enemies, or mere servants. We are His friends.

This covenant does not begin with us, it begins with God Himself. The eternal friendship-love of Father, Son, and Spirit (John 17:24; 1 Cor. 2:10–12; Rom. 5:5) is the foundation of salvation. At the cross, Jesus endured betrayal, hatred, and fear, yet chose death for both enemies and friends. His sacrifice secured forgiveness and made a way to righteousness; a right relationship with the Father. The Spirit now empowers us to share in that life, to endure with joy, and to embody covenant friendship in a world starved for true love.

So the covenant of friendship is both gift and calling. It is a gift we receive, welcomed as friends of God through Christ. And it is a calling we live. Extending that same sacrificial, Spirit-filled friendship to others. To live as Jesus’ friend is to share the eternal bond of the Trinity and to carry that love into every corner of life. A love that clings, sacrifices, and never lets go.